This started out as a letter to women on what they should look for in a man. Then it turned into a note to men about qualities they should try to develop. Finally, it became a hodgepodge of both. So bear with me. It all stems from a desperate need for a reminder of the type of men for which we should be searching. And men, you need to know what we really need. We've lost track this with the Jersey boys and their G.T.L. Men, we've allowed you to think that is what we want. So sadly, you've lined up to clone these men because the media pushes the image and we reinforce it. So let's take a minute and talk about the kind of man we women should desire in you as a husband.
We need warriors. We need a man that will pursue us and fight for us. Men, women have a constant desire to be battled for and reminded of your love. It isn't easy (I know how complicated we are), but we need to be sought after. This doesn't end with dating. In fact, in Ephesians, Paul orders husbands to "love [their] wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (5:25). Once you are married, you still need to remind your wife that she is the only one for you. You need to give yourself up for her. You need to fight for her.
We also need providers. I know women hate to hear it today, but we truly need men to step up and provide for us. 1 Timothy 5:8 in the English Standard Version says that "any man who does not provide for his relatives, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Men, there is something deeply ingrained in you that urges you to provide for those you love. Do not fight it. Women, encourage it. It builds a man's confidence and it helps him to feel worthwhile because you need him. Our society doesn't like to depend on others, but that is what marriage is about: dependence. I'm not saying women can't work, help or do what is needed to together to provide for the family. But I am saying that when you are dating, make sure the man strives to be a provider. Do this not in a high maintenance way that suggests you need to constantly receive diamonds from him, rather, look for a man with a good work ethic and he will become the provider you need.
We need our men to step up and be leaders. Women like to be pursued, but need to be led. Don't you love the intricacies of women? Men, you should be the leaders of the home. Set the example first in your walk with God. You are the head of the house (Ephesians 5:23), so lead us. Women, let's be honest, we have emotions, and some have way more than others. But men have been given this amazing ability to compartmentalize events and feelings. Men, you were given the ability to make decisions without your emotions getting in the way, so start making them. And women, start to submit to their leadership. Submission will empower your man and help him to know he is trusted, in turn making him a better leader as the years go on. Hear me out, marriage isn't meant to be a dictatorship, but a partnership. Yes, we should talk through decisions and make them together, but if, after long discussions and prayer, a stalemate results, the man wins out. Sorry ladies. But know that the man should have your best interests in mind because his job is to love, care for and protect you. If that is the case, his decision shouldn't leave you high and dry.
Finally a man should be strong. Not physically (men, you'd be surprised how little we actually care about that), but spiritually. Men, we need you to "be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be strong; be courageous" (1 Corinthians 16:13). Don't be afraid to need God. There is no greater sign of strength in a man than one who can admit his total dependency on God. If you depend on him, you will make an amazing husband and an incredible father. Be strong in love. Yeah, we women know you share it in weird ways and have a hard time expressing it, but in whatever you do, do it with love.
Women, I hope you were fortunate enough to see models of this man in your life. Even more so, I hope that example was set by your father. Men, I hope you had it too, so you could see the type of man you should strive to become. My dad did and still does a pretty amazing job of setting this example for my brother and me. Both of us gave him a lot of trouble growing up, and I'm sure he never thought I would write something about learning to submit. But through his loving leadership, discipline and dependence on God, he and my mom were able to tame two extremely strong-willed kids. So thanks, dad and Happy Father's Day. As a side-note to dads, if you've struggled in this, repent and work on your relationship with God. Then work on your relationship with your wife and kids. I promise you, the effort for the change will be worthwhile.
Men, if you didn't have the example, or haven't set a good one so far, look to the examples Jesus set and find someone you know who emulates his qualities so you can see those qualities at work in your surroundings. And women, help these guys out by waiting for them. Show them that they are worth your time because men are up against a lot these days. Culture tells men all that matters is their money, their muscles and how well they embrace the YOLO campaign. Sure, guys, you only live once, but make it worthwhile by submitting to God and allowing him to form you into the man he created you to be: not some passive follower, but a world changer and leader. God has ingrained men and women with these incredible talents and abilities that can only be truly found, understood, and capitalized on when we admit to a total dependency on him. And it is through our relationship with God that we are able to make relationships with people work. Women, no man will be perfect, but if his eyes are truly focused on becoming more like Jesus each day, he's probably worth a second glance.
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