Disappointed

This is not what I would call a comfortable post. It's something I struggle with and will probably struggle even more to explain. The question on my mind lately is how do we continue on in our faith when it isn't going how we expected it to go. Stay with me and let me do the best I can to explain. I know the God is sovereign (Daniel 5:21). I know that his ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). And I know that his plans endure forever (Psalm 33:11). Yet there is something inside of me that assumes how God will respond to certain situations in my life, and this is something I am working to overcome. God is not limited, nor does he need to fit into my cookie-cutter version of how I think he should respond in certain situations. And recently, I went through a situation where I was really frustrated with how it turned out. Allow me to explain.

I won't use the most recent story in order to spare names and all, but this has happened before so I will use a previous experience. Last year I was teaching a 7th and 8th grade Sunday School class. We were talking a lot about the early church and I felt this tug on my heart to have a class devoted to confession and taking communion together. Throughout the class, there was such a beautiful peace and the girls were really into it. One of the girls offered that she was struggling with patience with a friend and went on to list how difficult this friend had made her life. All the while I secretly patted myself on the back thinking, "Yes, this lesson will change everything." That thought lasted until after class when another girl came to me crying. You see, when the girl spoke about all these difficulties with her friend from school, she meant one of the girls in the class. All the while, everyone knew who she meant and what she was saying in about the most passive-aggressive way possible. I was devastated. 

Here I had obeyed God in what he wanted me to do, and here it was blowing up in my face, causing lots of problems and dividing our group. The situation this past week was nothing like that situation, except for that I knew God had asked me to do something, I did it, and essentially it went all wrong. And afterward, all I could think of is, "Why, God?" Not in an irreverent way, but from the depths of curiosity and lack of understanding. You see, deep inside there is this part of my head that says, "If I follow God's will, everything will turn out perfectly." 

Have you ever been there? Maybe you took a job you knew he called you to and the company went bankrupt a few years later. Maybe you moved to a new place follow God's will and now feel more isolated and alone than ever. Maybe you knew God called you to share his good news with a friend and all that happened was a lost friendship and the friend turning even further from God. You name the situation, but what do we do when we follow God's will and don't end up where we thought he was leading us?

I wonder if Moses sometimes felt like this. He obeyed God and brought the Israelites up out of Egypt to head to the Promised Land, only to be told he and his generation couldn't inherit it because they didn't follow God wholeheartedly (Numbers 32:11-12). Or what about David? He was anointed King over Israel, only to wind up running for his life from his crazed father-in-law (1 Samuel 19). I think John the Baptist also felt this way. He spent his life preparing the way for Jesus and when he was about to face death, he sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he really was the one he was meant to prepare a way for or if he needed to expect someone else (Luke 7:18-28). I think John expected a different Messiah than the one Jesus proved to be. Sometimes, God is not what we expect.

So how do we handle this? I would say first we need to reevaluate our expectations. Are we imposing upon God standards and expectations we have for people? Yes, he walked the earth as Jesus, but he was and still is fully God. We cannot compare him and how he works to how people would react. Second, we need to trust him. God and God alone sees the whole picture. Perhaps the situations don't make sense now, but maybe they will later. And some may never make sense, but still we must trust that he knows infinitely more than us. Finally, I think we need to realize that sometimes God asks us to step out of our comfort zone and obey him for our own growth, not necessarily the growth of others. You see, often when I step out of my comfort zone to reach out to another, I expect God to immediately move in the person's life, but many times he moves in mine. I think sometimes I place my entire focus on the other person's growth when really, God asks me to step out of my comfort zone to embolden me, grow me, and help me to trust him more fully with my every breath. Yes, I think we should pray, hope and trust that he will move through our obedience to impact the lives of others, but let us not forget that he is also moving and growing in us.

I suppose the bottom line is this: Sometimes God will not react in the way you expect him to. If he always did as we expect, what would make him any different from us? But through these times, don't lose faith or trust in him. Call out to him. Tell him your frustrations (he already knows anyway), but don't forget that we never see the whole picture. We don't see the seeds planted or how God will use the situation in the future. And never forget that he is also growing you, not just others. So be bold and be obedient. And thank God for giving you the strength to obey no matter how bleak or frustrating the outcome.